2017 was one heck of a year! And it has taught me a lot of things before ending. I feel every year passes only to teach you a lesson, its like a chapter ends with a moral. This year I have learnt to let go. Let go of things that has been holding me down from things that I can do and be happy. I have learnt to let go of feelings that was there only to hurt me, I have learnt to let go of people who would bring negativity in my life. Although I have learnt to let go, I have also learnt to love and be grateful of the littlest things in life. Even if its a sunny day after really bad rainy days. Once you become grateful, I feel things get simpler and lovelier. I fell in love with myself and with my dreams all over again. I have made better relations with my family by taking out time and going out with them, going to meet them, etc. I have also learnt to not give a f***. Previously everybody’s thoughts would hold me back from doing things I wanted to, I loved to. One of the things being racist comments. I would not wear clothes that would show more skin than usual whereas I dreamt of wearing clothes I designed. However, this year I came out of it. I wore my designed gown, a backless gown. And not just wore it, I walked around the city with a high head.
I feel I have gained a lot of self respect, self confidence, power, love and positivity for myself. I have stopped pitying myself and learnt to live and enjoy. And absolutely not care about what others might say or think. I know people near and dear to me will always want me happy and I feel I am at this certain age where even if I make mistake I’ll be mature enough to handle it in a good way. Talking about that also reminds me that I have overcome another huge issue, Social Anxiety. not fully, but a lot. The anxiety that I had earlier was soo bad that I used to panic before meeting people I loved and performing in front a lot of people would be a nightmare to me. But I went out for drinks, met new people from college, made new friends, hung out more, most importantly did 2 fashion show held in our college. I am a lot more organised now too. I feel organisation is needed in life. Not to mention I have my own Monica Geller mode, where I make lists and then sub lists of those lists and colour coordinate, etc etc. Yeah…I am that crazy.
However all those lists and colour coordination has also helped me whenever I have felt like I am off the track because I wasn’t always on the track, I did fluctuate but I knew and was ready for it. Because that’s normal. I cant demand more than I can do at once or else it would have overwhelmed me. But whenever that happened, lists happened. I made lists of things that I was doing that I shouldn’t and the reason behind it. Then I would work on the reasons one by one. Writing down the problems, finding out the reason behind it and breaking it down helps the most to get rid of it.
All over I am really happy with myself and proud. I have laughed more than I have cried. Especially the end days I had cried laughing which is the best way to end the year! I have smiled and laughed reading text messages, I have literally fallen over and laughed. From what I remember, 2017 has made me a better, positive, strong human being. And 2018 will make me even better.
What did 2017 teach you?